Saturday, December 18, 2010

Holiday Conditions

Holiday Conditions

Its nice to here in NYC this time of year and just enjoying the awesome weather. The visitors, the lights, skating and the good feelings in the air and avoiding some of of the frenzied holiday scenarios I've gotten caught up in in the past.

I'm lucky to have friends inviting me to parties and friends to have over to cook for. I'm not keeping my life on hold for people who might be able to squeeze me in somewhere when they can get away from their other commitments. I've bought and made gifts for a few friends who always show up for me. Basically I'm prioritizing the people who prioritize me and avoiding those situations where I'm kind of kept around as an option.

It seems like from the time when I was a little kid Christmas was the time when hopes were built up to gargantuan expectations and plans where constantly changing. The holiday season seemed to be more about fulfilling obligations rather then spending quality time with the people you really cared about. Tempers flared and small irritations turned into major blow-ups. Doors slammed, tears were cried and I didn't dare think of myself. It was mostly a big drama to be endured with the hopes that I would get out of it unscathed.

My favorite memory of Christmas was when I was when I was a little kid and my parents gave me a big box of art supplies. Colored paper, pencils, glue, crayons, scissors, glitter...just great stuff that I could do anything that I wanted to with. I know it was my Mom's idea and it was probably the best present I've ever received. It was simple and it was perfect for me. It implied that my mom knew who I was, she had given some thought to what my abilities were, how to encourage them and what made me happy. There was so much of everything in that box that I could take chances and try out new ideas with no fear that I was wasting things or that the supply was gonna run out. It was a perfect example of a really thoughtful gift.

At this point most of the non-committal carrot danglers have drifted out of my life and I'm surrounded by others who are not afraid to commit and express their unconditional love, just by following through and showing up and giving more of themselves then they promised. That's the best gift of all and I hope you all have bucket loads of unconditional love in your life too!

That's me and Ernie at a holiday party in Brooklyn 12-18-10. if you are looking for a great gift for the gay who has everything check out the Butt Magazine/American Apparel beach towel featuring a full size naked Ernie on it here

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