Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Gay Haters

I'm working on an art project that starts with meeting guys on the internet for a hookup. So I've been pretty active on these hookup sites and every once in a while I've been encountering these haters, guys who have seen my postings and accusing me of being a slut...or worse. Of course the fact that they are there encountering every post I've put up would imply that they are spending quite a bit of time there themselves, so who's the bigger slut? But actually the whole notion of strangers monitering my activity and coming to conclusions about my moral makeup is astounding, part of what makes this project so interesting really...all this gay on gay hatred, is it really just self loathing? Jealousey?.. I had one guy commenting on my posts for over a's an example.... Whoa, Daddy Whole new photo shoot, but was this taken 20 years ago, when U were a virgin? and my response to him..... Hey, I've been getting these mails from you and I have to ask....why? They kind of feel like harrasment. I'm single now and I'm hooking up a lot...big deal...It's nothing to be ashamed of...It's always, safe, sane and consensual. I'm very honest and upfront and I send a potential partner a very clear face shot and ask the same of them, so I'm not doing anything that's bad for my Karma, no one's getting hurt, It's usually pretty enjoyable for both parties. Are you seeing too many postings from me? Just ignore them, like everyone else who's not interested....obviously they're not intended for you. Craigslist has a built in 5 posting a day limit so there's no need for you to appoint yourself a cop and harrass me. But the saddest and weirdest part is that I'm being harrased by another gay guy for what? Liking sex? Being gay? adapting to growing older by labeling myself a daddy? As a 40 something gay guy, I've lived an entire lifetime of harassment, from my dad who beat me and bullied me for being a sissy, the kids in high school who harrassed me for being different, students in college, employers and coworkers...It's taken me years of therapy to come close to getting over that shit, of learning to accept my self and dare say even love myself for who I am. I'm finally starting to feel good about myself and really enjoying having sex with other men. Then you come along and start harrassing me, critiquing my pics and posts...why?? Why is another gay man harrassing me for trying to enjoy my life and have some fun recreational sex? You have got to be a stone-cold evil bastard to send these mean and hateful emails...and are wasting a hell of a lot of time and creating some seriously bad karma for yourself...but what comes around goes around, the only thing you are doing is stirring up more bad karma for yourself...but please, no more emails from you. They are unwanted and very sad. I hope you can find another way to get what you want and I seriously wish you, best of luck. He sent me a brief email saying sorry and that he'd stop, and he did. The thing is, I may put up a few posts a day, but that dosn't mean I'm meeting someone for every post I put up... far from it. Many of the responses are a few words, or a vague blurry picture. Or I'll get a flurry of enthusiastic emails setting up a meeting then....gone, the person disappears, never to be heard from again. I can post 5 times a day, for seven days in a row and still not meet anyone. It's all interesting, and a little sad but I have met some incredible guys. People who I've been so glad to have in my life, even if it's just for an afternoon. But most of all, I've learned a lot about myself. Any artist's art is first and foremost about the maker and this project is no exception. I've always been interested in myself alongside others, the way different people bring out different parts of me. And it is fun, too. But truth be told, it's a little exhausting and emotionally draining. It's turning into a really good art piece but I'll be glad when it's done. The variety is interesting and frankly, as a middle aged gay guy, I never thought I'd be able to meet so many handsome, sexy, desirable guys, I'm glad I photograph well. But truth be told, I was in a monogamous relationship for over a year and I really liked it. I would gladly trade all this variety for one person I could trust an confide in and build something deeper with, but right now I don't have a person like that in my life so I'm adapting to where I'm at and going with it.

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