Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Gifts Keep Coming

I had a thing a while back with someone who was hot, smart and a lot of fun. He said he was kind of new to guy/guy relationships and I took his word for that. He said he wanted to be in a committed relationship of at least one year before he came out to his parents. I was like, "where do I sign up ...!!!" I could do this! I could be the one who is there for him and then after a year I'd be presented to the parents, have knighthood or something bestowed upon me and be declared a hero, I couldn't wait.

The idea of being needed is very appealing. Many years ago I committed to stay in a relationship with a BF who joined AA. We had moved apart but I promised I'd be there for him for that first year and it felt good to be needed like that. I was proud of myself after that first year when I was there for him.

Now I realize, it is great to commit to helping a friend or partner, but it's not about getting some kind of reward at the end, it's not about me, it's about them. No rewards are guaranteed, but they'll probably show up in unexpected ways....maybe now or maybe sometime in the future or maybe they already did, years ago.

So when me and hot/smart/fun went our separate ways I was devastated, I missed him....but it was something was that prize that I was working for being denied me. This lesson took a lot of time to learn. I'm grateful that I was able to learn it...

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