I'm not unique in this regard, it happens to everyone....and for a short while it made me fear success....it was like anytime something good happened to me a friend would voice their resentments.
When I first made the push to get my artwork seen and I was befriending curators and even started dating one. This curator who I was seeing decided to have an after party at a neighborhood gay bar that I frequented and they happened to be showing some small paintings of mine at the time. Someone came up to me at the party and said to me "It must be so great to be dating this curator and having shows like this...." I was speechless....It's pretty easy to have a show of your artworks in a bar you frequent....you really only have to be mildly talented and just ask.....so to think that this person assumed that the only way I could have a show in a bar was by dating a famous curator sowed a little seed of doubt in me.
Then there was the time I was awarded a residency at Cite des Arts in Paris, it was a gift that fell into my lap. The French government was giving me a place to live and work in Paris for my choice of 3 or 6 months. All of my friends were thrilled for me, congratulatory and I was ecstatic....my boyfriend though felt differently......so I chose the shorter option to appease him.....it didn't work and he never got over his resentments. I learned a lot from this experience and other ones like it which caused me to be a little fearful when on the verge of success or when ever anything good happened to me.....
I've learned to just own it, accept and be glad for my talents....these are Luxury Problems and part of growing up and being who I am....thank god for lessons like this...
My talents aren't really "Mine" to own....they're just kind of on loan from my creator and I'm the vessel.....I'd really be doing my creator a disservice to not use them to my fullest potential......thank you
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