Sunday, March 31, 2013

Milking it...


 It's been great fun to say to people" I've had brain surgury" and watch their response. Or to casually throw it into coversation, like "I was out that week, getting Brain Surgurey" So yes I've been really milking it....I've found some people have been kind of freaked out and maybe even have discriminated against me because of it though so I've got to watch that.

   The bottom line is It didn't seem to have much affect on me one way or's not like I was in excruciating pain and that's now been relieved. Actually this whole episode that begin with the NY eve fall has not had much of a physical impact on me. I've had a minor throbbing headache since the fall and that has been somewhat relieved by the surgery and I expect it will all just go away with time. The eye doctors I've seen have found no damage and I feel very lucky for that. My sense of smell has dissapated and somewhat and I'm sorry about that but in the long run, I feel very happy to be where I'm at.

   I wasnt feeling any pain but I know from the cat scan that I had developed a subdural hemnatoma that was pushing against my brain and had to be removed. Otherwise it would just keep getting bigger and eventually kill me. So now it's gone and all is well on the cat scans. I have a cool scar too

   I have learned a lot from this whole episode though and maybe I've grown, at least I hope I have

   I'll still keep using the "Brain Surgury" excuse for laughs....I'll keep milking it till I no longer get a response because, really, how many people can say "Ive had brain surgery"

   One funny thing is that when I was in the hospital the first time on NY eve. I told the doctors that I had to get out on Wednesday so that I could get to work on Thursday, that I couln't just "Not show Up" Funny that I cared so much about this gig. It was a sweet little gig though ..... I earned just enough to have some pocket money for the week  and it turned out to be something I was good at.

   I am aware that I may have lost my job as a result of it or maybe it was just time to move on anyway,  I'm sure I'll find something new.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Post Brain Sugery

A friend asked me if I was ok, if my brain was back to normal and I'm not sure if my brain was ever really normal....(JK) but Im ok, actually I never really had a problem, just a mild headache since the fall.  Ive been fine throughout all of this, going to work every day and being very productive...there have been limitations on going to the gym and Ive totally lost my taste for alcohol. So I've stopped going to bars and I do kind of  miss the socializing and the hanging with DJ friends, the discussions about music, the flirting and making out that's so easy to do when drinking. I have some people I considered really good friends that I just don't see anymore but I'll just have to figure out ways to transition, it's just another stage of life I guess and it's ok, it's interesting really.

I havn't had any alcohol in 3 months and I have to say, I'm feeling a lot more feelings and that's pretty cool. I don't think I realized it at the time but in the past I'd get a little sad or depressed and then I'd look at the clock and think "Happy Hour". I had some friends that I loved seeing and they could always get my mind off whatever negative thoughts I might be thinking.

So now those thoughts come and I deal with them. It's not that big a deal, just part of life really. These kinds of thoughts used to seem really scary to me....thoughts like "....Does anyone else really know me?, can we ever really know another human being? Can I truly empathize with her pain?......" thoughts like that used to really scare me and kind of throw me into a nihilistic tailspin, now I find it easier to accept that that's just part of life, it makes it worth living really

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

My Brain Surgery

I can't believe it but, I've had brain surgury. I keep repeating it to myself because it's so hard to believe. It all came about in a rather routine kind of way....It was New Years eve  and upon entering my building I ran into a neighbor, we compared notes and talked about our evenings as we walked up the stairs I stopped on my floor then leaned over the railing to continue the conversation and thats the last thing I remember of that night, 6 hours later I woke up in the hospital with no idea how I got there. I was fine, I had had a concussion but was feeling ok, they did numerous tests, cat scans and such and wouldnt let me eat in case I needed to be operated on, nothing developed and after 2 days I was released.

   A month later I went to the Nuero surgeon for a follow up visit, he told that often when people do what I did there is no follow up visit. If I had landed a millimeter this way or that I might not have made it, it's pure luck that I survived, that made me think " how easy it really is to die" It's all a gift really, living, and it can dissappear at the drop of a hat, just like the ending of the Sopranos, at a certain point the switch has to get flicked.

I used to worry so much about dying, then, I almost died. It was pretty effortless, not much to worry about really, what a relief.
In preparation for my second follow up visit to the nuero surgean, he, Dr Hirschfeld, asked me to get another cat scan, so I was finally given an appointment for last friday March 9 and after I got it the cat scan operators called my doctor and his office called me, could I come out to Lutheran hospital in Brooklyn that afternoon to see Dr Hirschfeld? Sure, so I trekked out to sunset park and entered the emergency room, they got me a bed and I met with the Dr. and he said he needed to operate, a sub dural hematoma had developed and it needed to be removed. It was a collection of blood between my brain and my skull and it was causing pressure and would be fatal if it was not removed.

   So last friday morning, the 15th, I went back to Lutheran hospital, they strapped me down like Jesus and drilled a little hole through my skull and inserted a drain, this was my brain surgury, fairly routine but still, brain surgury, performed by Dr Alan Hershfeld…well done!

A week later the stichess and staples came out and its all back to normal….quite surprising that this would be a part of my life….I wonder what's next