Pretty much Best Christmas Ever...

I had a nice, drama free christmas this year and it was great. Ive been skating at bryant park 3 mornings a week since thanksgiving which means I've heard a lot of christmas music, 3 hours a week. It's been really nice to enjoy this season and the music around it with no expectations…From my total immersion into seasonal music I've determined that my favorite holiday songs are …1) Let it Snow by Dean Martin,  2) what are you doing New Year's Eve -  Ella Fitzgerald,3) Holly Jolly Christmas- Burl Ives..4)  Christmas Time is Here - Chipmunks 5) Christmas Is Coming - Vince Guaraldi Trio 6) Step Into Christmas - Elton John 7) Feliz Navidad - Jose Feliciano 8) Winter Wonderland - Eurythmics 9) Stephen Colbert - Another Christmas Song 10) Little Saint Nick - Beach Boys…my favorite christmas album is by the ventures and I also love barbra streisand's christmas album….whew, now that Ive gotten all that outta the way….Happy New Years

Ink Art: Past as Present in Contemporary China @ The met

This may be the best exhibition of contemporary chinese art I have ever seen, I really liked the curatorial premise , …... China’s ancient pattern of seeking cultural renewal through the reinterpretation of past models remains a viable creative path. The exhibition includes work in many different mediums, I really liked Ai  Wei Wei's small scale ceramic pieces so much more than the big overproduced pieces that dominated the hirschorn last winter. there were some pieces of a massive scale but they felt very personal and addressed the reconciliation of the past with the present in very personal ways. Highly recommended.

10 Books That Taught Me How To Live My life

I was raised by wolves, I learned nothing by example…thank god for books

1) Harold and the Purple Crayon - Crockett Johnson

 This  book taught me that we invent the life we want to live..

2) Tropic of Cancer - Henry Miller

 This book showed me a man who invented his life, from scratch. Scrapping the old easy way of living that he fell into and following his dreams

3) Camera Lucida - Roland Barthes

This book showed me that we see what we want to see…and that we take away from a situation what works for us and leave the rest behind…we don't have to understand our enormity every second of our lives

4 ) The Boy who Followed Ripley - Patricia Highsmith

This showed me people following their instincts and the amazing adventures that resulted from being true to oneself

5)  Giovanni's Room - James Baldwin

This book showed me a regular old gay gay, who had the same feelings and motivations as anyone else….a revelation..that yeah, I was different , but I was also just like everyone else

6)  Christine - Stephen King

I love seeing what happens when things have feelings

7)  Shakespeare's complete sonnets

Pure verbal art, brilliant like a David Bowie lyric

8,9, 10 )  Inferno, Purgatorio, Paradiso - Dante

For me college was all about ideas…. and reading Dante, in Italian, under the direction of the brilliant renaissance scholar Joseoh Mazzeo was life changing. It was subversive in that it turned conventions on their head…it fleshed out the rules of christianity in such as a way as to highlight their role as allegory and fable, as ideas on how to live one 's life and not rules to follow slavishly….easily some of the best art I have ever encountered

Christopher Wool @ The Guggenheim

I loved this show! Way more than I thought I was going to. I thought that because I knew the early word paintings I knew his career. This show did exactly what the best curating does, it educated me and allowed me to see what a great painter he is and not just an executor of one smart ass concept…and I really love that the museum let me and my friends take as many pictures there as we wanted…!

Margiela x Converse x Hanson

I really liked the Margiela x converse Jack Purcells but my new attitude toward $ made me very reluctant to drop $200 on them so while visiting Urban outfitters for their half off sale price event I came across some camo purcells for $22.00. I knew I had some benjamin moore white semi gloss around my studio and…..voila. These look great and I get a very satisfying feeling wearing them….

Rainer Ganahl COMME des MARXISTS @ White Columns

It was a pretty cool experience being a part of this performance. I actually walked the catwalk in two different outfits. Thats me in the plaid piece above with the artist

We Five- You Were On My Mind 1965

  The great ozzie pop band

Mama Cass Eliot - Dream a little dream of me

    This is  astoundingly great, what a gifted performer. When I was a little kid and I"d have to get in the my parent's car and theyd be playing the adult radio station  it was such a treat when this came on...

A Whiter Shade Of Pale - Procol Harum

Love this

Lou Reed - New Sensations (Live at Farm Aid 1985)

    I never would have guessed that the Lou Reed performance I would find most touching on the day of his passing is this one. Please tell me what you think

Massive Attack @The Armory

They performed behind a scrim on which a film was projected. The film had a beginning a middle and an end…tying together figures like Pauline Boty,

Bin Laden and Ted Turner….I don't think i can faithfully describe it any better….and MA performed mostly covers……It was pretty great!

The Seekers - Georgy Girl

this is brilliant

Savages are Daddy's Favorite Punk Rock Band

I saw them at last years CMJ, they played an afternoon show at pianos down the block from me....blew my mind, best live show Ive seen in ages...they were hanging around after the show and very approachable, really nice people. I love that when bands are just starting out and there's very little distance between them and their fans. I rarely buy T shirts at rock shows but glad I got this one!

Nick Drake - Things Behind The Sun

I went to Highschool with Prince

I worked in a record store after highschool and one night around closing a little red corvette pulled up and this 7 foot amazon got out and from the other side this purple clad mosquito got out. Prince came in and asked for Joni Mitchell's "Miles of Aisles"  and I fell in love with him...

Dancin at The Blue Whale....."

 I love The Blue Whale because it's mentioned in a Village People song.  I took a friend of mine there last year who was visiting from Dubai. He took his shirt off as he was dancing and he still refers to it as the happiest day of his life.

Voila

 Here is what I read and I admit a lot of it is from my own experience. There are wood plinths of various heights on top of which are perched matches wrapped in a seemingly soft material, felt, leather, cloth of some sort that baffle or blanket the potential of a fire lit, but yet carefully almost preciously wrapped as if the whole small installation is a memorial of some sort. As if  the matches are shrouded to some extent, why? This is not matches presented with gasoline but if the potential of the match, the potential of the match ignited, in this context, which seems a poignant one this is what I see. If I am wrong and this is a frivolity then this joke, this reading is on me. I accept it. I like the piece.a testament or longing for the lost, for those whose fire has been snuffed and yet the potential to have their memory burn bright.... Dm Simons

Baltimora - Tarzan Boy

Tim MCGraw

this is a great philosophy.....http://youtu.be/XiOcW_YR1G8

Rock Scissors Paper

Some friends had a costume party where you had to dress in something made of paper....pretty cool!

Jake Dell

The Owner of Kat'z Deli agreed to pose with me during yesterday's pastrami eating contest...the first thing he said to me was "Are you a corned beef or pastrami guy??" I think I'd l;ike whatever he's serving

Porkchop

I loves me some corny japanese meatshop humour

Jean Dubuffet's Closerie Falbala outside of Paris

   I had the good fortune of being able to visit this place in the winter of 2006. There were a group of schoolchildren there that day and their guide was accentuating the mystery of that which lies in the central chamber.....a really cool place....

Colby Keller In My Studio

Over the course of the winter I've had the good fortune to meet a really cool guy who goes by the name of Colby Keller and his partner Karl Marks. My first encounter with Colby was at a musical life story improv piece so I know a lot of his backstory and he's pretty famous as a pornstar but I got to know him as an artschool graduate and young artist. He's smart and funny and a lot of fun to paint. He has a pretty cool blog called Big shoe diaries and the latest entry is about the work that we did together.....you can see that here.......you probably dont want to do this at work or around anyone who is uncomfortable with nudity.

Here Comes The Springtime

   I've gotta say, I'm really enjoying the springtime. It feels very different this year and it is in a lot of ways. Some new people have entered my life and some old friends have taken a leave of absence....it's all part of the change that makes up anyone's life.

   I'm doing my best to forgive and let go of resentments and to absolve my friends of whatever expectations I might have had of them, it's tough, but I like a challenge.

   I know that I do my best work in my studio when I pull the rug out from under my feet and constantly challenge myself....life's like that too

Milking it...

  


 It's been great fun to say to people" I've had brain surgury" and watch their response. Or to casually throw it into coversation, like "I was out that week, getting Brain Surgurey" So yes I've been really milking it....I've found some people have been kind of freaked out and maybe even have discriminated against me because of it though so I've got to watch that.

   The bottom line is It didn't seem to have much affect on me one way or another...it's not like I was in excruciating pain and that's now been relieved. Actually this whole episode that begin with the NY eve fall has not had much of a physical impact on me. I've had a minor throbbing headache since the fall and that has been somewhat relieved by the surgery and I expect it will all just go away with time. The eye doctors I've seen have found no damage and I feel very lucky for that. My sense of smell has dissapated and somewhat and I'm sorry about that but in the long run, I feel very happy to be where I'm at.

   I wasnt feeling any pain but I know from the cat scan that I had developed a subdural hemnatoma that was pushing against my brain and had to be removed. Otherwise it would just keep getting bigger and eventually kill me. So now it's gone and all is well on the cat scans. I have a cool scar too

   I have learned a lot from this whole episode though and maybe I've grown, at least I hope I have

   I'll still keep using the "Brain Surgury" excuse for laughs....I'll keep milking it till I no longer get a response because, really, how many people can say "Ive had brain surgery"

   One funny thing is that when I was in the hospital the first time on NY eve. I told the doctors that I had to get out on Wednesday so that I could get to work on Thursday, that I couln't just "Not show Up" Funny that I cared so much about this gig. It was a sweet little gig though ..... I earned just enough to have some pocket money for the week  and it turned out to be something I was good at.

   I am aware that I may have lost my job as a result of it or maybe it was just time to move on anyway,  I'm sure I'll find something new.

Post Brain Sugery

A friend asked me if I was ok, if my brain was back to normal and I'm not sure if my brain was ever really normal....(JK) but Im ok, actually I never really had a problem, just a mild headache since the fall.  Ive been fine throughout all of this, going to work every day and being very productive...there have been limitations on going to the gym and Ive totally lost my taste for alcohol. So I've stopped going to bars and I do kind of  miss the socializing and the hanging with DJ friends, the discussions about music, the flirting and making out that's so easy to do when drinking. I have some people I considered really good friends that I just don't see anymore but I'll just have to figure out ways to transition, it's just another stage of life I guess and it's ok, it's interesting really.

I havn't had any alcohol in 3 months and I have to say, I'm feeling a lot more feelings and that's pretty cool. I don't think I realized it at the time but in the past I'd get a little sad or depressed and then I'd look at the clock and think "Happy Hour". I had some friends that I loved seeing and they could always get my mind off whatever negative thoughts I might be thinking.

So now those thoughts come and I deal with them. It's not that big a deal, just part of life really. These kinds of thoughts used to seem really scary to me....thoughts like "....Does anyone else really know me?, can we ever really know another human being? Can I truly empathize with her pain?......" thoughts like that used to really scare me and kind of throw me into a nihilistic tailspin, now I find it easier to accept that that's just part of life, it makes it worth living really

My Brain Surgery

I can't believe it but, I've had brain surgury. I keep repeating it to myself because it's so hard to believe. It all came about in a rather routine kind of way....It was New Years eve  and upon entering my building I ran into a neighbor, we compared notes and talked about our evenings as we walked up the stairs I stopped on my floor then leaned over the railing to continue the conversation and thats the last thing I remember of that night, 6 hours later I woke up in the hospital with no idea how I got there. I was fine, I had had a concussion but was feeling ok, they did numerous tests, cat scans and such and wouldnt let me eat in case I needed to be operated on, nothing developed and after 2 days I was released.

   A month later I went to the Nuero surgeon for a follow up visit, he told that often when people do what I did there is no follow up visit. If I had landed a millimeter this way or that I might not have made it, it's pure luck that I survived, that made me think " how easy it really is to die" It's all a gift really, living, and it can dissappear at the drop of a hat, just like the ending of the Sopranos, at a certain point the switch has to get flicked.

I used to worry so much about dying, then, I almost died. It was pretty effortless, not much to worry about really, what a relief.

In preparation for my second follow up visit to the nuero surgean, he, Dr Hirschfeld, asked me to get another cat scan, so I was finally given an appointment for last friday March 9 and after I got it the cat scan operators called my doctor and his office called me, could I come out to Lutheran hospital in Brooklyn that afternoon to see Dr Hirschfeld? Sure, so I trekked out to sunset park and entered the emergency room, they got me a bed and I met with the Dr. and he said he needed to operate, a sub dural hematoma had developed and it needed to be removed. It was a collection of blood between my brain and my skull and it was causing pressure and would be fatal if it was not removed.

   So last friday morning, the 15th, I went back to Lutheran hospital, they strapped me down like Jesus and drilled a little hole through my skull and inserted a drain, this was my brain surgury, fairly routine but still, brain surgury, performed by Dr Alan Hershfeld…well done!

A week later the stichess and staples came out and its all back to normal….quite surprising that this would be a part of my life….I wonder what's next

The Thrill of it All

   I love that I get to be an  an artist, I don't make much money at it but my bills are always paid. I'm invited to all kinds of cool events and am meeting all kinds of people from all walks of life and my job is constantly challenging me to try new ways of doing things.


   I made the painting above "New Gold Dream" this past November, it's part of a series I started in April of 2012. I had never before made anything remotely like this. I'm going to try and describe how it came about.

  

   The drawing above, from 2007 is probably the closest thing I had made to these current "wooden room" paintings. The way the current paintings came about is that My friend Mark Krayenhoff was describing these drawings as being very kooky and having all kinds of crazy patterns clashing against each other so I went and looked at them and this is what I found, I couldnt find anything like what Mark was describing so I decided to try making some.

   Here's what I came up with, a drawing "Other Voices" that I gave to Mark for his birthday last March.

   I wanted to see what this would look like as a painting so I tried and came up with this....

   ...pretty good, but not great. It was very exciting to make though as I'd never really made anything like it before.

   I tried again and came up with this......

 

   I felt the thrill of having made something unlike anything I had ever made before. I took risks and challenged myself and I ran with it, I spent the next 9 months exploring all the dark cobweb filled alleyways I could find.
  
    We know when we are going through the motions and we know when we are really going out on a limb and challenging ourselves. I look at it as one of the great perks of our job, that we get to challenge ourselves, when its just getting repetitive and we know what the end product is going to look like we do it a different way, try something new and that thrill when we've created the thing we never even envisioned and that no one has ever seen before, thats what makes life worth living, and that's what makes me supremely grateful that I get to be an artist.

Obama

I love this, and I'd like to tell you why. Before this there was a kind of institutionalized homophobia, if it was ok to discriminate against gays in the military and not allow them to marry it was also ok to blackmail and to threaten them. So it was pretty typical to meet gay guys online who tiptoed around and were terrified of sending you a face picture. It was also common to meet guys who wouldn't tell their family.

Now I have to say the whole tiptoing around thing seems very  Boris and Natasha. very outdated. I met someone online yesterday who wouldnt send me his face pic because he was "very very discrete" and "too much was at stake". I told him I wasn't going to invite a complete stranger over to my apartment if he's unwilling to share his face with me. That just feels wrong but somehow he thought that was acceptable, like because I'm gay I can't expect people to be above board with me, Im supposed to live a risky, seedy life because I love men?

Thank you president Obama for calling homosexuality what it is, Love....and that's nothing to be ashamed of and its not ok to treat me like a low life or a 2nd class citizen anymore.

Now if I could just meet another man who feels the same way......

The Number One Song In Siberia

Valentine's day 2013

I gotta say Ive never really had a problem with valentine's day.....does that sound like faint praise? I suppose it is, its just that so many of my friends loathe VD but Ive never had a problem with it. Ive had boyfriends who've hated it and wouldnt celabrate it, no biggie !!!..and Ive had guys go out of their way to make me a memorable meal, some have which have truly been memorable and then there's always the single me who goes out of my way to get me something I'll really like.

   This year it was a Margiela T shirt with some crazy numbers on it that I wore to my friend Bubi's opening last night.

   I guess in some sense VD is about expectations about unicorns and perfection etc but its also about treating someone special very nicely and hey, there's nothing wrong with that...

Valentine's day Paris 2006

   I was invited by the French government to live and work at Cite des Artes in Paris, in the Marais for 3 or 6 months, my choice. My boyfriend at the time was none too happy about this, I never really knew why. I chose 3 months instead of 6, to make him happy, it didn't really work, he was of Mexican heritage and born under the sign of Scorpio and he liked drama. In the months leading up to my departure, anytime my Parisian residency was mentioned Evaristo's response was stony silence.

I don't know why I was expecting anything different, this is the guy who would say things like..."I don't want to go to work today, I want to be an ARTIST". So...my departure date arrived, Jan 2 2006 and soon enough I was in my new studio in Paris, outfitted with an awesome easel, I took that as I sign that I should be painting there, in Paris, so I did. I went to the louvre during the day and all the other amazing museums there in Paris and looked at paintings, then I came back to my studio and painted, it was amazing.

I also had my laptop with me and would go to the usual sites, bearwww, bear411 etc and flirt with guys. One guy in Astoria queens with whom I had had a mild flirtation over the years took a renewed interest in me. He would describe in detail various sexual scenarios that really got me going and ask if I would have sex with him when I got back....what could I say? He seemed to know exactly what I liked in the bedroom even though I had never told him...it was weird but kind of hot. Evaristo and I had such a messy relationship...he was always breaking up with me, like every 6 weeks or so then he would call me up after a couple of weeks and want to get back together....who knew what happened during those breakups, so when Astoria asked if I would have sex with him I said "sure", I didn't hear much from him after that.

Evaristo and some friends had planned to visit me about halfway through my residency. The halfway mark was exactly February 14. So a few days  before Evaristo arrived, and he was grumpy. Everything was bugging him, he was always kind of picking a fight. On the 13th  Evaristo and I and a friend took a stroll to the Centre Georges Pompidou, after a couple of hours Evaristo said he wanted to go back to my place and how could he get there, I did my best to explain (walk to the Seine and take a left) and was a little surprised that he didn't think it was his own responsibility to find his way around. After a couple more hours I headed back to my place at Cite des Artes, Evaristo was nowhere to be seen so around 11 I went to bed, a little while later Evaristo showed up and informed me that he was leaving for NY first thing in the morning...he had changed his ticket. He felt that I had sabotaged his trip by not giving him more detailed directions from the Pompidou back home.....he had no interest in talking about this, it was overt and he got on his plane the following day, so there I was in Paris and my boyfriend of 4 years had broken up with me on Valentine's day. I played Serge Gainsbourg's "Comment te dire Adieu" and layed low for a few days. Before long I was seeing a French guy in an open relationship, a smart, funny guy who was great in bed,  we had an awesome time together and he was taking me out for dinner to his favorite Parisian restaurants.

Oh and when I returned a few months later Evaristo was living with the guy in Astoria who knew all of my bedroom secrets...

Arpad Miklos

He was my neighbor and I knew him about as well as I knew my highschool classmate, PRINCE, ie: not at all... We said hi and chatted online a few times but he was always super nice to me, on top of being hot as hell in person, he seemed like a good guy, sorry to see him go

Ai Wei Wei in China

 

I really enjoyed his bicycle pieces, this one was in a stairwell in a building on the Bund in Shanghai

More Colby Keller

New Colby Keller watercolors

Colby Keller, New Watercolors

Colby Keller Watercolors